I think I may be seriously going insane. I don't know if it's guilt or obsession, but I cannot go anywhere without seeing eyes staring at me from everywhere possible and sometimes even places that shouldn't be. It got better for a while when I posted last, so I'm here again hoping against hope that whatever mania has taken over my life might be placated by my efforts. I don't know what else to do, I can't eat or sleep with these eyes judging my every move.
I wish I'd never met Nina, I wish whatever monster took my Jill from me would have managed to take her instead. I wish she'd never left her family, or perhaps that she'd have been caught by the authorities before she woke me from that hideous dream. Even if it would have meant staying there forever, I think I might prefer a real hell rather than being forever taunted by the happiness of the real world but unable to reach it.
I don't know what they want, but I know the eyes want something. I suppose this is my punishment for being a failure as a mother, a friend, an academic... I've failed at everything I've ever tried to do and now I am to be punished for it. But what do they want?
They want to watch you suffer.
ReplyDeleteYou do not deserve punishment, punishment comes upon those who purposefully make other people's lives miserable. Just because you failed at something, does not mean you deserve to die, or judged. There is nobody in this world who can judge you, except you. The sooner you realize that, the faster the judging stare will disappear.
ReplyDelete- Mr. Incognito.