The eyes. They're not Nina's. She had deep brown eyes that almost matched her hair. I don't know why I thought they were hers, I know they're Sam's. I'd forgotten about him. I'd honestly forgotten everything and I don't know why.
Now that I remember, the guilt is even worse. I can't look anywhere without seeing his eyes staring at me. I deserve this for forgetting him, I deserve all of the pain and hurt his gaze can inflict. I let myself forget him, even as I posted on this blog that was meant as a memorial to him. I've betrayed him and myself because of a child. I'm still trying to remember so much, and I'm scared that I may never get it back, because when I try too hard to think about other things, it's like Nina forces herself back into my thoughts. Even some of the things I've posted about seem like things that happened to someone else.
You know Sam wouldn't be mad at you. He was your friend. He cared about you. If nothing else, if he could see this, I'm sure he'd just be worried.
ReplyDeletein some ways, i envy you. to be in a position where you can't remember your past allows to have a choice. you can start anew or try to find who you were. but don't let the guilt get to you. sam wouldn't be mad. from how you described him, he would probably be glad that you are able to start thinking for yourself again.
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